I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
