Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
