not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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