is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
