It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I enjoy the company of your penis
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