Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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