Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
