My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
