I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
