it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize