Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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