we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
