The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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