those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize