YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
