the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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