So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He passed out mid-signature
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
