hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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