I must be too annoying 4 u.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize