Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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