The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
