the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
