remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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