woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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