Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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