Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
