I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
