oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
