Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
