he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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