Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
