he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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