just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
