Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
