I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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