Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
