I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
