Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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