i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
