I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Duck Duck Cougar?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
