just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
