Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
