Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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