Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize