spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
