what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
