I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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