I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize