Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
