how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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