My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
