Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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