u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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