i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
