Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
