ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
