we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
