oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just forgot I was standing up.
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