You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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