Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
