Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just want to make out with him forever
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
