Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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