you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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