The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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