remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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