just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
