Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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