i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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