I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
