who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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