Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
