Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
