My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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