Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
