I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
