Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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