I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
