i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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